What I'm listening to
​
I just listened to an incredible podcast interview with psychotherapist Terri Cole, and I had to share it with you. She was on the Good Life Project talking about a concept that really struck a chord with me—“High-Functioning Codependency.” It's a term from her book Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, and it opened my eyes in so many ways.
Terri describes this new breed of codependency as being “overly invested in the feeling states, outcomes, circumstances, finances, and careers of the people in our lives—to the detriment of our own internal peace.” Sound familiar? It sure does to me. It’s this pattern of putting everyone else first, seamlessly holding it all together, and looking perfectly capable, while underneath, we’re quietly running on empty.
She makes it clear: “You can’t endlessly pour yourself into other people and have the career you want to have or build the kind of deep intimacy you want in your relationships.” It’s a reminder that resonates deeply—especially for those of us who have spent years prioritizing others.
In the podcast, Terri reframes the concept of self-care. She calls it “self-consideration,” a practice that goes beyond a mani-pedi or a spa day. It’s about asking yourself the tough questions, like, "How are you disappointing yourself when you constantly prioritize others’ wants, needs, and desires over your own?" At minute 41, she really dives into this, and it’s powerful stuff.
Listening to her made me reflect on my own habits. I have four children, none of whom live at home anymore, but last weekend I caught a glimpse of how I transform whenever they’re around. Suddenly, I’m like a concierge at a boutique hotel—bending, contorting, and working overtime to meet their every whim and desire, busting my ass for that tip, that appreciation, that validation. And then it hit me: I am the boss of my life, but sometimes, I forget that.
Terri’s message is a reminder for all of us who are “high-functioning” in our codependency—to pause, to consider our own needs, and to reclaim our energy. Self-consideration might just be the real key to thriving, not just surviving.
I’m cheering for you. Have a wonderful week!
Dr. Cat 🥰
​
Dr. Catherine
Do you have a question you want me to answer? Any wellness challenges you want me to write about? Send them my way, I love hearing from you. Say hi 👋🏻 on Instagram, X, LinkedIn or TikTok I share in those places too.
🫶